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Bleep Bulimia Episode 13 with Jacalyn Schwan Candid Interview About Being Bulimic for 15 Years

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE FULL PODCAST

I really appreciate Jacalyn for sharing her candid and compelling story about bulimia, and her continued struggle with it.  As a Bulimia Recovery Coach, this interview was not easy.  It is, however, honest and true.  When a bulimic is not ready to let go and still feels bulimia is the answer to remaining slim, it is a bigger challenge to recover, and as a coach, I would be there to listen, however until the client is truly ready, any program would have a lesser chance of being successful.  As we discuss, it really does have to come from within.  It has to be a personal choice to let go and recover.  To do it for others will not be sustainable.  

I do want to emphasize that you CAN recover from bulimia.  You can maintain a healthy weight after recovery.  It is important for both of these that YOU have the desire to.  

We also speak to the different levels of bulimia.  In Jacalyn’s case, she is not a binger, however she does purge every day. 

Jacalyn also spoke observing online posts where people seem to feel the need to “outdo” each other in severity.  As discussed with Lisa Arnold, this can often reflect a need for attention.  It may not be the kind we truly want.

Jacalyn also questioned the influence of support groups on Facebook, wondering if they may be a trigger at times.  I know I had felt that in live groups when I was first seeking to recover, particularly if the information was negative.  

This interview is to share with the listeners the story of someone still struggling, and I admire Jacalyn for agreeing to share.  There are not many non-recovered bulimics willing to do this.

Thank you, Jacalyn.


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It’s All About The Weight, It’s Just A Habit

I’ve been having this conversation these days, not just with people in general, also with those who are bulimic. “It’s all about the weight”, or “it’s just a habit”.

I won’t argue their points, however I will challenge the thought that that is all “it’s” about.

There are times I will speak to my clients and they just want a diet, or away to maintain their weight without wanting to binge and purge. The fact is, that is not the solution. For one, I do not believe in diets in as far as what they refer to today. I understand that a “diet” is “what you consume”, however it has taken on a negative connotation, equating it to weight loss, rather than nutrition – in general.

Regardless, if you are on a restriction of any kind of food, unless for medical reasons, it will just set you up for failure, because restrictions often create desire.

The other thing I hear is that bulimia is a habit. Again, I don’t discount this, however the habit does not just have to do with the desire to run to the fridge and empty it out, consume it, then purge it. The habit is reflective of something deeper. If my client is not willing to explore this, my hands are tied. Recovery will not likely be permanent if the underlying issues are not resolved.

There are so many different facets to this. Also, one specific method will not work for everyone, because everyone’s situation is unique. What works for someone, will not work for another. However I believe there is a way to customize the recovery process.

Like someone noted in one of the support groups: “recovery is faster for some, slower for others”. This too has to be taken into account.

First and foremost, the best ways to get to learn more about what all this may be stemming from are reaching out and talking about it to a family member, friend, coach, therapist, or if you are not ready yet, writing or joining a support group. There are many online now, which then marries the writing and reaching out together.

For a support group you can visit FB at https://www.facebook.com/groups/bullimiaddict On instagram @bullimiaddict and @bleepbulimia. To sign up as a guest on my podcast visit https://www.bleepbulimia.com You can also visit us on FB at https://www.facebook.com/groups/bleepbulimia

A New Era – A New Podcast – Bleep Bulimia

I was really pleased to have my first guest on my Podcast yesterday. I was searching for guests to speak about alternatives to eating and binging that may attract those in bulimia recovery stage. On my new blog, www.bleepbulimia.com, I have several topics I am going to cover. I am probably pissing a bunch of visitors off at this time because it says “coming soon”. I am going to get through all 30+ of them over the year. I thought I would share this 7th episode, however first one being my guest (with many more to come). I hope you get something out of it! I have added both the Podcast link and the YouTube link here.

When her father, the partriarch of the family, passed away seven years ago, Sandhya used art to get through her grief and the feeling of the family dismantling.  The impact this had on Sandhya inspired her to pursue her studies in art psychotherapy.

Sandhya explained that she internalized her emotions from her loss.  On her graduation  she opened up to her close friends.   She accredits her personal art therapy to her ability to reach that moment where she could release all what was being held inside.

Art spychotherapy helps in reaching deeper levels of the emotions.  The art making process, which entails a variety of mediums, including paper, clay and paint, helps the client to dictate how they feel through their creation.

Asked if this brings out the subconscious thinking,  Sandhya says yes, and sometimes it even surprises her and her client to find out certain things that were “inside”.  This is the first step.

Art can be a great opportunity for those recovering from bulimia with that it is safe, and you are using your hands, and focussing on dealing with your emotions in a more creative way and expressing them through your creation.

For more information about Sandhya or to connect with her you can find her on instagram at @arttherapist_sramautar1 on her YouTube channel at artURnarration.

#bulimia #bulimiarecovery #bulimiaover40 #midlifebulimia #bulimiaover50 #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorders #bullimiaddict #iamthatgal #bulimiacoach #bingepurge #bingeingandpurging #throwup #deceit #hide #lie #food #overeating #bleepbulimia #podcast #itunes #apple #buzzsprout #amazonmusic #alexa #artpsychotherapy #arttherapy #sandhyaramautar #art #claymodel #paperart

Men Have Bulimia Too

Although my book How To Have Your Cake & Not Eat It All Too primarily refers to women, I am very well aware that this “mental illness” is also growing in numbers in men.

I don’t really like to put out the negatives, but I thought this was something I would share to open our eyes. It’s not easy to let it go. It is FREEING to let it go!

“Always Be Purging”

“What?”, you say? Yes, I mean it, but I don’t mean in the way you are thinking as a bulimic. I mean that you need to always be purging “stuff” you accumulate to reduce your stress. Some of us tend to hold on to “things”. Believe it or not, this can increase overwhelm and stress, and as Mel Mason, my friend and The Clutter Expert explains, “what you see on the outside, quite often reflects your inside. If your home is cluttered, so is your mind”.

Mel Mason
The Clutter Expert

She writes: “Here’s the deal. You accumulate stuff everyday, so it’s important to make decluttering part of your daily life. I have a motto: “Always Be Purging” or ABP for short.

The best way to make it part of your daily life is to start small with 15 minute increments. The first week do 15 minutes one day. The second week, do 15 minutes two days a week and the third do three days etc.

Your goal is to build up to making time for it everyday, so that it becomes a habit and part of your daily life. 

By becoming consistent with making time to declutter your life, you’ll get to see the accumulation of space that you’re creating. You’ll get the dopamine hit and that will make you want to do more!

One way to help you stay consistent is by putting the 15 minutes in your calendar as an appointment with yourself and treat it with the same importance you would a dr.’s appointment or an appointment with a client. Actually pencil it in and make the time for it. 

The question now is, when are you going to schedule your first 15 minutes with yourself?”

One of the most freeing moments of my life was when I lost my business, and my home. I was living in a 2400 square foot home, the size of which did not include the basement and the huge two car garage. When I lost everything, I was forced to get rid of many material possessions, as I was moving into a 900 square foot apartment. The purge felt good. From there, I moved again and this time the place was 500 square feet. More purging. I finally found a really cute apartment on a lake. This one was 395 square feet. For every move to a smaller space, more “stuff” had to go. The less I had, the lighter I felt.

There are situations when “purging” is a benefit. Not when it comes to eating. However, as Mel has noted, “when it comes to putting order on the outside, you will feel more order on the inside, which helps improve your mindset.”

If you want more information about “decluttering” and a FREE blueprint download please visit Mel’s site at DeclutteringSpaces.com

Putting Yourself Second

It’s not uncommon for those with bulimia to be in this situation. They put themselves second to last because quite often they are people pleasers and have difficulties in voicing their emotions, thoughts, frustrations, anger.

It seems at times we feel like we always walking on eggshells trying to make sure we can avoid conflict. Even if the conflict lives within us.

Even when we are putting people first, it still seems that we can’t do that right either. It’s a catch 22. If you stand up for what you want, you get reprimanded. If you don’t, you get reprimanded. You are either too demanding, or too nice.

I had a sister willing to help me out with a course. I am not bulimic anymore, so I really feel the emotions when something doesn’t go well. I really do overthink, and I need to get busy doing other things to make sure I can reframe my thoughts. Redirect them.

So back my sister. She is suffering from depression. She was going to drop off the money last Tuesday. She never showed up. She never called. I texted her because I was concerned. Two days later she sent me a brief text saying “I’m tired and hiding”. To that, I didn’t want to sound insensitive and ask her about the money. I just felt it was more important for her to rest. I could always sign up for the next course that would be available in three months. Ten days past and she finally texted me. Again, she said she was tired. I was not about to bring up the issue, but I did. I told her I cancelled. She then started in on me that I was obviously not committed. That not telling her there was a deadline for the money (which I had only found out anyway on that Tuesday she was suppose to show up) meant that I didn’t know how to do business.

The fact that she wasn’t even responding to my concerned texts meant that it was hardly likely that she would respond to a request. She didn’t even respond when I told her I had a buyer for her $1000 cat, but that they wanted more pictures.

Coming full circle is that of putting yourself second. You can’t win. I told her I felt that concern and care for someone you love is more important than business. I put her first. And I got reprimanded for that. And I am overthinking it, so I thought I would write it here to try to resolve my brain thoughts.

It baffles me. Instead of her thanking me for thinking of her and being concerned she just shot not so nice texts. So now I am sitting her making intro videos for my Podcast, and perhaps thankful that I didn’t take her money. It may have ended up in a disaster. Maybe this time, putting myself second, was a blessing.

What experience have you had putting yourself second?

F***ck You Bulimia

I spent 30 years arguing with Bulimia. She wouldn’t leave my head. I tried so many times. In the end, 30 years later, I got rid of her for good. However she did leave me with some damage.

Over time I managed to realize that you cannot bring back the time or the money that you wasted on her. There is no way that is possible. The fact is that I had to move forward. I had to keep going and realizing that Health was feeling so much better and Time was more appreciative. Exhaustion was happy to take a side step to Energy.

Emotions took time to learn how to function with Bulimia, and in time, they learned how to. They redirected their desire to snuff them with food with more productive methods.

Skin, however, had taken it’s toll over years of dehydration. Even with moisturizing cream, the damage done was done. Skin managed to look less pale though and happier.

Teeth to this day are not really happy with my inability to fight Bulimia sooner. They lost their enamel and the grinding left them smaller. The acid that eroded the enamel also left my teeth vulnerable, and some perished. A high price to pay, but not as high as it could have been.

It’s not to put fear into those reading this still struggling, but it is a fact that Heart was seriously, and likely, the most happy of all. All those heart pounding moments after the purge. There were times I was sure I was going to have a heart attack. From the strain and the dehydration, this was becoming more of a possibility as I moved into my 40s.

Yet it wasn’t the fear of death that helped me stop. It was the realization that I WAS IN CONTROL of ME. Not Bulimia. And that I really did love myself and I loved others enough to STOP! I got away from the negative people in my life, the ones that made me feel I wasn’t good enough. I looked around one day and thought “LaurieAnn, they’re not there anymore! What are doing? You now have your life to live!”

Was it that easy? No. Yet everytime I felt the need to fill a void, I just reached inside and asked myself if I really wanted to keep hurting myself for the pain I was feeling because I allowed someone else to make me feel anger or frustration or hurt?

I am my best friend. I am the only one that is there with me every day. I am the one that decides what I will do next, where I want to go in life. That’s MY decision. No one else’s. And too, it’s my decision how I let others affect me now. At times, being who I am, this is difficult. I can overthink the most minute situation and make it into a big one. I am learning not to do this. Even 10 years later, I am still struggling at times with this, but with the help of others, and breathing exercises, and occupying myself with things I love to do, that overthinking subsides.

F**ck You Bulimia. You took enough of my time, energy and ME away for long enough. NO MORE!!

Where For Art Thou, Romeo?

I remember when I was married, I asked my husband at that time if he could join me for one of my sessions with my psychiatrist to support me. He refused. I felt alone. We were living away from my family, and I had no one else. I thought, him being my husband, he would be more open to help and be involved in my recovery.

When I got married, my husband knew I was bulimic. I didn’t want to go into the marriage without telling him because my previous boyfriend left me after I told him, and I didn’t want to hide. I suppose my idea of a partner was different than what I had hoped for. I believe that when you marry, you are there to support your spouse, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, ’til death do you part. I was so disenfranchised. I felt alone. This feeling did not help in my recovery. It only made it worse.

As someone wanting to recover from bulimia, if you are not in a relationship where you spouse or partner is not supportive, it’s really helpful to have someone who is! I was wrong to hide it from everyone. Once my husband denied helping me (and my parents never offered to, even when they found out I was bulimic), I just thought maybe this was a journey that I had to take alone.

I was so wrong. Looking back, I really should have reached out to someone. Even if it was a penpal. I did have a penpal at the onset of my bulimia, and after two years, she recovered. I didn’t. It took me 30 years.

I heard something tonight, and I really liked it.

This is so true. It was this growth that made me create my bulimia recovery coaching program based on what I went through, and how I succeeded in recovering and not wanting to go back. It also inspired me to finish my book.

You can’t give up. You CAN reach out. You CAN overcome bulimia. I know it. I’ve done it.

What is YOUR WHY?

Today I am sadly “celebrating” a life gone. My niece, my baby sister’s daughter, left this earth one year ago.

If you are bulimic and you keep going, the older you get, the more likely someone is going to be saying the same about you.

I know, this is NOT what you want to hear – it’s the truth. Women over 40 have a much higher chance of dying of a heart attack and other physical issues bulimia causes.

Yes, there is the issue of teeth rotting. There is the issue of spending more money than you really would like to, only to flush it down the toilet.

After you do that purge? Feel your heart. Think of all the people who will miss you when that pounding and over exersion on your heart will finally tell you she’s tired and can’t work anymore.

Find YOUR WHY!!! Find a reason to stop. The best reason is YOU! You may feel that you are not loved enough. Write down all the people who WILL miss you. Write down the reasons for living! Bulimia IS a slow suicide. It IS a slow overdose. It CAN kill you. And the older you get, the more likely it will.

Am I trying to scare you? Absolutely not. I am helping you to be clear about this! And to find you WHY! I am hoping the first “why” is that you want to live, and live a life that is fulfilling!

I am in business with my sister and I realized that we need to pay forward. I am also a Bulimia Recovery Coach and I want to pay forward as well. Our transcription service will be providing $1 to 3 causes. My Bulimia Recovery Coaching services will be providing $50 towards bulimia. My WHY!

NOTE – a purple ribbon is for overdose. And for bulimia…. find your WHY!

No More “But”s

Not being able to use the “but” word I challenge you to write something as long as this paragraph without a “try” or “but”. ONE PARAGRAPH.

To my friends out there who are struggling (and never say the word “suffering”) from bulimia over 40, I am reaching out because this is a GREAT way to mend the mind.

Just ONE paragraph about anything. Who is up for the challenge?

Some may think I am crazy for opening up about my bulimia. I say “Hell no!!”

After keeping inside for 30 years, and letting go for 10, I am more than happy to say “Hell Ya!”

The “struggle” can END. Not by hiding behind blaming other people… by coming out and being honest with YOU.

Pull back the curtain and you would be surprised what that will reveal… and STOP.. NOT the “ugly truth”… the beautiful truth, that you are more beautiful than you ever imagined. It’s not about sight in that mirror – that physical view… it’s about your heart and soul.

Reconquer YOURSELF. Is it that simple? No. It is, however, the first step!

Seriously?? Yes. You will love to do this.

I am smiling right now because to not use the words “but” or “try” or “so” or “actually” are really hard. Interesting… they are always spoken on Television and Movies, and … you will notice them now more then ever.

Challenge is on.. Paragraph posted with fun AND (see, what was I going to type? :)) please be careful with your vocabulary.

This is so fun!! Do it. (see? I could have said the other word!)