Monthly Archives: March 2011

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Guilt

Guilt.  Here’s something I am so uncomfortable with and yet feel it too often.  Guilt about what?  I’m really not guilty of much, but I make myself feel guilty about much.  Not sure if that’s understandable?  If I forget to get something done, or if I procrastinate, or if I don’t call someone back right away.  These are all guilt creators.  Nothing major, but they cause my stomach to feel like it’s knots and those knots won’t go away.  I used to eat them and throw them up, but without that “out” now, I have to deal with them.  I have to face them.  I can’t hide behind the mask anymore.  Working out helps somewhat, taking time to be reclusive doesn’t.

It’s awful.  An example.  I don’t call my parents for a week.  The longer I don’t call, the more difficult it is to call.  I get nervous, afraid to hear a cold voice on the other line because I’ve been remiss in my duties as a daughter.  And every day that goes by that I put it off, the feeling gets stronger in my stomach.  So why, you ask, don’t you just make that call?  Exactly.  Simple answer.  When I do it never is as bad as I anticipated, at least not after the first few lines spoken that are obviously awkward.

Here I am 48 years old and I still feel guilt when it comes to doing things my parents wouldn’t approve of.  Can you believe it?  I had moved away from all the family for a while, including my children.  I have three.  They’re older now, but I just wanted a reason not to have to be there, to be judged.  Feeling intuitively what others think about you brings another uncomfortable feeling of guilt for not being to them what you want to be.

I don’t have an answer to the guilt factor.  That’s one I’ve never resolved.  I just live with the tummy knots, grin and bare it.  Anyone out there have a solution?

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Anger

This follows boredom, and it’s short.  By the way,  I haven’t been bored lately.  So I’m going to write about #4 now on my list of 5.  Anger.  I let go of a lot of anger I used to have.  But back in my bullimiaddict days I felt it.  It was so deep in my stomach that I don’t even know that my bulimia managed to suppress it.  Maybe for a while.  I still feel it.  More now than then.  It’s that gut wrench.  It’s the anger that you want lash out at.  I realized though that there’s a way to do it that makes sense.  Working out.  And this is where I end this one.  Let go, let God.

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I’m an INFJ apparently. I’m unique… :)

Took this quick online personality test.  It was simple and quick.  It was interesting what came back.  Who knew I was the equivalent of 1 to 3% of the US population?  Probably much lower than had I taken an eating disorder personality test.  I haven’t checked the stats lately, but likely to do so and blog them here at some point.  Hope you enjoy and if you are interested in doing your own just go to www.personalitytype.com.  It’s just fun, but it’s fun.
You Are an INFJ (Introvert, iNtuitive, Feeler, Judger)

INFJs represent between 1 and 3% of the U.S. Population

INFJs inhabit a world of ideas. They are independent, original thinkers driven by their strong feelings, and personal integrity. Sensitive, committed, hardworking, and perceptive, INFJs are often excellent listeners, skilled at generating enlightened and creative solutions to people’s problems. Thoughtful and careful decision makers, INFJs prefer to have plenty of time to let ideas “percolate” before taking action. Because they value harmony and agreement, INFJs like to persuade others of the validity of their viewpoint. They win the cooperation of others by using approval and praise, rather than argument or intimidation.

INFJs go to great lengths to promote fellowship and avoid conflict. They are also often perfectionists highly focused, and driven to accomplish their goals. Rather formal and reserved, INFJs can be difficult to read, but it is critically important to them that their values, needs and concerns be understood and respected.

Personality Type can be a gateway your ideal career, relationship, parenting and even your sales and networking

March 5, 2017

This is my latest comeback to date. 🙂

You are an ENFP

(Extravert, iNtuitive, Feeler, Perceiver)

ENFPs represent between 6 and 8% of the U.S. population

 

Curious, Energetic, Adaptable, and Creative

ENFPs like considering unconventional approaches. They enjoy batting around ideas and finding creative solutions and are energized and intrigued by new possibilities and anything out of the ordinary. ENFPs tend to be talkative, enthusiastic, playful, and generally fun-loving people. Warm and caring, ENFPs have strong personal values upon which they base most decisions. Conversations with ENFPs can be very circular as they excitedly move from one topic to the next, making connections and associations.

Unconventional and occasionally irreverent

They pride themselves on their uniqueness and originality. Optimistic, and spontaneous, ENFPs have a strong sense of the possible. For them, life is an exciting drama. Because they are so interested in possibilities, ENFPs see significance in all things and prefer to keep lots of options open.

Personality Type can be a gateway your ideal career, relationship, parenting and even your sales and networking. You can learn more about your personality type by purchasing a Custom Personality Type Report.

Congratulations, you are an ENFP.

Learning your type is the first step towards a new job, a new career, or a new approach to life.

As an ENFP, You believe that “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” This is an incredible power you have, but unless you learn to overcome the three obstacles that sabotage most ENFPs, your great ideas may remain just ideas. I want to help you learn to employ your natural gifts and neutralize your blind spots, that way, your possibilities will be endless.

 

 

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#3 Boredom… I didn’t throw up tonight, but wanted to… however you and JJ helped me

I’m supposed to write about boredom in this blog.   It is partially about boredom.  Not many would understand this.  I was bored.  Bored because there was no one in my life… or so I thought.  So I called my sister.  She was cool.  I told her I didn’t throw up my anger, frustration, fear of not being loved and boredom.  She told me it was okay if I did.  I told her it wasn’t, and that I was proud I didn’t.  I didn’t eat and throw up my boredom, my anger, my pain.  I called out for help.  I think this all came from watching Charlie.  He made a difference in my life.  Controlling mother, absent father (although he did show up in a dream when Charlie almost drowned) , whimpy brother, loser nephew…. wow.  His life is heaven next to mine.  Why, you might ask?  I don’t know.  I spent three hours talking to a best friend and the poor guy had to listen.  He listened to someone not far from the Charlie character. Sublime, uncaring, caring, who the hell knows until you get that call.

Funny thing is I’ve been obsessing about Charlie Sheen these days.  A reason for this is this… father.. why the head drowned?… mother.. why controlling and cold… brother why a whimp? nephew why stupid?

I tried to equate it to my life of bullimia, just because I like Charlie. Charlie hates emotions.  I do too, but I felt some tonight.  He has too.  And he hated them.  He didn’t eat them and throw them up, he sexed them.  He still does…

Why did I tonight stop… even if I stopped for some time… I wanted to tonight eat and throw up my boredom, anger, frustration, fear, lack of love?.. Like I said above, I even called my sister and then my best friend??? WHY??  Because I think Charlie made me stronger.  His character lately (if it is a character) made me think.  Think about ME.  Not them.  Not THEM.  It’s about stopping the hurt, the boredom, the lack, the pain, the and so on….  it’s about ME now.  Taking care of ME.  Charlie, in his own sense is taking care of HIM.  May not be right in the way he’s doing it, but it’s HIS way.  I admire him for that.  I don’t agree with everything he’s doing, but for some dumb reason I understand.  I just do.

And so…. I didn’t throw up all the boredom and frustration and hurt BECAUSE I watched Charlie and then called a friend.  A friend I cannot thank enough, but has some semblance to Charlie.  He’s in the middle of me how I relate to Charlie… and HIM how he sometimes is like Charlie.

You know what Mr. Charlie Sheen?  You saved my life tonight… thank you.  And so did my JJ, but you started my reach out.  Thank you.

BTW no you in the show?  No two and a half.  If you get my drift.  I don’t want to watch this show if you are not there… for me to laugh and learn.  and to Ducky?  Please call Charlie… I’m okay that you’re a troll, but don’t discount Charlie.  He’s really more than you think he is.