New Friends in becoming a New Person

To you out there reading this, some of you have intrigued me with your stories.  I couldn’t come “out of the closet” for years.  I did this year because I know I really don’t want to do this anymore.  I still have issues, but I’m learning how to deal with my emotional state.  I’m menopausal.  I’m mean when I want to be.  I’m 49 and a recovered bulimic.  I don’t want that part of my life anymore in myself and want to share what it was like being one for 30 years, on and off.  I want to be that Laurie I knew.  I don’t want to cry looking at the pictures of me in my youth and feel like I disappointed that little girl.  That little girl that loved animals, people, life.  The ever learning little girl who took risks.  Who loved most of all the random acts of kindness, surprising people because someone out there was different.  I embraced my difference until people told me I was “crazy”.  It wasn’t crazy.  It was who I wanted to be.  Different.  Today I have found out how to communicate the need for me to be this way.  Some still think it’s wrong, some accept me.  Somes who accept me are those I keep around.  Believe it or not, my parents accept me.  This has all built up the foundations of maybe what Jane Fonda spoke about.  This is my third act.  This is where I write my bucket list and want to follow through.  I want to ride a horse (haven’t since 12 when the horse freaked out on me), I want to finish my book, I want to be on Dr. Phil, I want people to know about my character Hampy that I wrote about in the peak of my bulimia.  I want to be in a job that involves animals, to find a balance in my life.  I am happy, but I want to complete the little things left on that bucket list.  I want, henceforth I will work at doing it.  I WILL do it.  I will not die before I ride a horse, skate again, bowl again, ski again.  I refuse. 🙂  I do want to thank God for being there for me no matter what.  My faith in Him has been huge.  Some don’t believe, but my faith has been an immense part of my coming into my own.

Watching “Overboard” with Goldie Hawn.  What a beautiful story.  I’d live that redneck life anyday.  Oh, I am living it.  From riches to rags…. I will take the rags.  I have.  I’m happier here.  Just need enough to finish my bucket list.  That’s all.

Little needs, little dreams from one who dreamed big as a child, I have learned, little is okay.

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