It’s a Beautiful Day – A Happy Ending Song

What a wonderful song.  If anyone breaks up with someone play this over and over again. 🙂  It’s a feel good song and Michael is so talented!  Enjoy!  Makes you not even want to eat up the feelings but instead dance!  Dance!

Sleeping Beauties Exist!

When I see people sleeping, it brings a sense of calm to me to know they are at peace. Or so I hope. Unless they have nightmares, but they look so beautiful. So although my victims hate me for this, and I have many, I thank them for the opportunity to look at these pictures when I’m stressed and know, sleeping beauties do exist. 🙂

Sleeping Beauty


Guilt Speaks Much and Peace Within Responds

I have a best friend who was my ex, as any of you know who might be following my blogs would have read about.  He’s a needy of love man and a young lady, an ex of his as well, knows.  She knows how to pull his heart strings.  She is married and recently came back into his life.  Personally my ONLY investment in all this is our friendship.  But she knows we were together at one time and our being together bothers her.  She left a message on his phone one day “I know you are playing games and still f’n her”.  I smiled because this is not the truth and I find it thoroughly inappropriate for her to even care either way, the fact that she is married!  But tired of being an issue in their little weird love affair, I wrote this to her on a text:Other Man

“Nice message. Grow up young lady. I am not doing your man. Wait meaning my best friend not your husband and not doing him either. When you talk “games” look in the mirror. My friend was pissed at me for some message you heard. Weird. My beautiful surrogate daughter (his daughter) was with me so what message that was only God knows because he was only here one night with us when she was spending the night and he was hanging out with us to watch a movie and he always leaves early to call or text you at the appointed time. He loves you. If you loved him as much as he loves you then you would leave your husband and marry him. His daughter likes you. Asks why you don’t. So next time you try to implicate me in your love affair please think twice. I love your mister’ess (my term for a male mistress) as a friend only and love his daughter as I love my my own three children. Keep me out of your arguments please. I’m not a pawn in your unhealthy jealous relationship.  The two of you should figure out your lives. Because it’s not the best role model for his daughter either to have you, a married woman, with her separated father who’s estranged wife, his daughter’s mother, still loves him too. Did you ever think how that might affect the child of the man you love?”

“P.S. now he has the right to get mad at me because this time I surely did send you a message unlike your accusations of me sending them prior which I didn’t… Goodnight from a woman to a young lost child of 40. Hope you find yourself before you destroy yourself and the love you could have.”

Her response?

“Don’t message me again. The message I heard was before bee was even here. Stay out of my business. Get a life yourself.”

The response I would have liked to type but was not worth my effort?

“I have a life and ONE only and like it that way.  This message was simply because by you mentioning me MADE IT MY BUSINESS TOO to address this situation.  Leave me out of your games. Oh and?  You on the other hand surely do have a life – but not just one.  You are living two.  What does a coin have?  Value?  No.  Two faces.  Can’t imagine how that feels.  Guilt is a killer of character.  It speaks much of living in hell, anxiety and the thrill – one that destroys in the end.  Peace?  Within is heaven.”

In truth, I’m sad because I know my friend is ruining his life, but on the other hand if this is what he’s okay with I’m okay too.  What I am not okay with is her continual demands that he not be with me anymore and I help him with his business and she wants him to get rid of me there too.  I live a weird life, yes.  But what I don’t like is being told how I want to live.  To be kicked out by an immature 40 year old married woman who is overly possessive of a 51 year old man who is best friends with a 50 year old woman?? I won’t tolerate it.  She should be more than self-confident that her perfect body will not be threatened by my sagging boobs, menopausal attitude!!  But yes, threatened because I am very confident in myself, have no care for their relationship that she would like me to be.  It’s not a competition.  But she is very competitive and I’m sure that’s what she would like. to think it is.  Not for me thank you.

Get a Life?  I so have one.  I couldn’t handle two.  One man is plenty handful enough! 🙂

Always remember:  If you are cheating on someone, whether you are male for female, you are hurting them even if they don’t know.  If you are the mistress or mister’ess, you are guilty of helping that person hurt the one they are with.  Stories of “I don’t sleep with him, we don’t have sex, there’s nothing there anymore” are bullshit!  If that were the case then LEAVE!  I did.  And so too even if ending up together trust will never exist for the relationship began with cheating.  Known fact.  Sorry, I want trust and to retain it for life.  I was burned twice, won’t let it happen again!  Maybe I’m there as a friend for him even if he keeps being silly and messing around because I want to write a book on how men think?  As a best friend, I’m learning much more.  He tells me everything. 🙂  I like it better that way.  Sex just complicates things. 🙂

Beautiful Us

How true it is that we were often brought up that being sensitive is a weakness. I believe this to be a terrible thing to teach. I believe it should be taught as a strength which therefore is a strength you learn to use at appropriate time. Taught as such allows control over the emotion rather than a slave to it. As a bulimic I used to control this emotion with food. Now I accept and embrace it henceforth able to let it go free when appropriate with NO GUILT. 🙂


Legacy? Oh My!

I will never leave a legacy worthy of remembering. This I know. I, at one time, looked to do this but having hung around my daughter lately who is very matter of fact, I am understanding her world. I don’t need to leave anything. I don’t even want a tombstone, or be left in a cemetery. I would prefer to be cremated and my ashes left on my parents land that was left to my father by my grandmother where some of my best memories reside. I have no reason to have anything written on a tombstone. When I’m gone I’m gone. Why did I fight for causes in this world that in the scope of life are so menial?

Tombstones, even funerals in general are such a waste of money. What for? Death taxes are stupid. At least I don’t have assets left anymore that those left behind will have to pay taxes on.

When I go just let me go. Personally I like what dogs do. They go find a spot outside somewhere, lie down and die. I’m not morbid, but I don’t want anyone to suffer financial losses over stupid people taking advantage of sorrow of others.

Burn me up and throw me on the ‘farm’ somewhere if I end up not having enough time to get there on my own.


Love And Life And Frienship And Past

I’m sitting here listening to my neighbours fight. It isn’t pleasant but knowing my little world is not involved makes it more appealing and peaceful to me. It is not uncommon for this to happen, but I deal with it. I deal with a lot in my small world. What I am proud of is that at one time in my life this would have triggered an attack of bulimia. Now I write and it gets me through it all.

Heavy sigh. It is a strange world out there. In here in my small world it’s just me and my animals and even with the fighting next door I feel safe. I am alone. I am me. I am who I am. I remain strong. And with everyday I live I know what matters most of all more and more. I can see more clearly and although I have a long way before I feel strong enough to say I beat all the odds, I know I’m heading there. I wish it were a faster journey, but proud that I’m on the right track. As per an earlier post, the turtle won the race.

Mish mash of thoughts tonight. Just putting it out there.