This Is Simply A Post

This is just a post. A post of the choking feeling of pain watching my daughter drive away. Spent a lot of time with her this summer and our differences seemed to just vanish. Wonderful feeling until today when I knew I wouldn’t see her again for some time. Another loved one moving away from me. It’s exhausting and I can feel that horror of depression start whirling around in my soul like a vicious cycle. Pain. Pain mostly of love moving away. I wish I didn’t know the feeling. I wish I could be so unemotional that no love could penetrate as deeply as it has. Because other than my dogs all love I have felt I have lost. And each time it moves away it is like a death. I thank God for being there always and my dogs. Without Him and my dogs I would be lost. And likely back to my bulimia. But not anymore. I just let myself feel the choking, let the tears and sobbing happen alone in my small apartment with my dogs seemingly understanding because they jump up to cuddle with me. This is just a post. It may mean nothing to some out there, but this post is also a question. How does one protect oneself from the hurt of many loves lost while remaining open to continue to love? Simply a post.

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