Fifty One and Counting!

It’s my birthday! I love birthdays and proud of going through yet another one bulimic free!!! Wrinkles are my experiences, sagging boobs and belly fat a reminder that gravity and metabolism rule the body at this age. LOL. Know how they say those sea monkeys in the back of magazines are fake? Nope! They are not. I am living proof. LOL. Have a great day all my friends out there. And here is to another year of living, learning, loving and caring. Hugs to you all.

P.S. Amazing my body has been kind enough to let me live this long so far after the abuse. But I try every day to say thank you to her. She’s been a great vehicle. 🙂

Feeling Blue

Strange that up until today I felt happy.  Not feeling so today. I am not sure if it is because I am doubting myself in all aspects of life or that I am going into my 52nd year of life.  They say this is normal for my age.  Regrets and memories lost.  Maybe but it is frustrating and as much so as the uncertainty in life.  What is certain though and not a regret is my losing any desire whatsoever of going backwards when it comes to my eating disorder. It has only impacted me since my recovery in the way of regret for what it did to my beautiful teeth.  Happy to be rid of that evil thing!

My Daughter Shaved Her Head Today

My daughter shaved her head today. She came by to meet with me before heading off six hours away to University. She walked in and smiled her beautiful smile. At first I thought she had pulled her hair back in a tight ponytail. Seconds later I realized she did what she said she wanted to do early in the summer. Shave her head. One of the things on her bucket list. I had just completed two, one being getting back on a horse. A far cry from what she did. And I looked at her and smiled back. She looked as beautiful as ever.

My daughter was bald for her first two years and was beautiful then. She still looks like that beautiful child I birthed 20 years ago.

What I love is with this her message. She does have a boyfriend who is a little freaked out about it, but as she said, if he can’t love her without hair then it’s not real love. I know this guy. I know he will support her. And hair grows back. It’s an ongoing growth just like love should be.

I love my daughter’s spirit and am proud of her. She did admit she will never likely do it again, but she just had to this once. We only live once. And it made me realize that it’s important because one day you will wonder if you didn’t do what you really wanted to. I can attest to the fact that the results are not always positive, but at least you risked and it is a chapter in your book of life. One that goes by too fast not to stand up to the plate you want to stand on. Sometimes you get a home run, sometimes you strike out, sometimes you are out before you hit all the bases. Regardless, each play is another lesson. And no game will ever be perfectly played, but as long as you keep playing, that’s what matters most.

My daughter shaved her head today. I’m proud of her.

My little individual, always my baby.