I died spiritually and almost physically for a while. I mean this in the sense that I didn’t want to do anything. Being home alone was all I wanted. Watch TV, hang out with my dogs. That was it. Then suddenly I realized I wasn’t building memories anymore. I was seriously dying alone even if alive. Work, home, bed, dogs. Nothing more, nothing less. I stated in my last post that I had a great day. I even had a great idea that my sisters appreciated!! I felt alive again and realized even at 51, new memories, the good ones, can be built up again. So I will continue to find neat adventures. Afterall, at work they call me Dora because I carry my knapsack on my back everywhere I go. Doesn’t matter how old you are. You can always be a Dora. 🙂 And at the end of the day, a rainbow without rain is intriguing. Another awesome memory. I may not have seen my meteor shower, but I saw something just as wonderful.
Well, yesterday may have been an afternoon right off, but today was wonderful. Family, riding, sitting out in the sun. Just a wonderful day. I want to create more of these. For those with eating disorders, I highly recommend, if you like animals, try trail riding. You will fall in love. It is almost addictive. Calming, and anxieties are none. At a good ranch the horses are completely trained and so lovable. Thank God for today. I had such a great day!! I want to keep up with this moving forward and doing things. My sisters were soooo happy and couldn’t believe what a great experience it was. It’s one we will continue to share. Who knew? Horses are bringing us back together~~
I don’t get it. The happier I feel the more people around me seem to try to put me down and control me. I have been fighting this for the past eight month and feel as though I want to burst. I’m crying right now for that exact reason. Beat up and bruised over and over again. I keep going though thanks to this site that calms me when no one else is out there to reach out to. Thank you. You make me happy. I just smiled. My tears now are just dropping left overs. Wow. What walking outside and finding this site and sunshine and the anticipation of tomorrow could do for mental health. Slight breeze and birds and the odd disappointment of the nasty neighbour.
I wonder why rooster are crowing at 7:21 pm? And why the neighbour is so sweet with his new one and so mean to me. Because I’m an ex? Please. He has three girlfriends. Oh ya…… beat the ex. Stay happy with the affairs. Move out? Not an option right now. But working on it.
Ready to ride tomorrow and trying to sleep when asked to move my car. Too many underlying details to explain my tears. But they have since dried up and I will sit for a while and contemplate life in the way I choose. Not as others do.