Monthly Archives: June 2015

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Guilt

Refresher of where this blog came from… inspired by my sister.

BullimiAddict

Guilt.  Here’s something I am so uncomfortable with and yet feel it too often.  Guilt about what?  I’m really not guilty of much, but I make myself feel guilty about much.  Not sure if that’s understandable?  If I forget to get something done, or if I procrastinate, or if I don’t call someone back right away.  These are all guilt creators.  Nothing major, but they cause my stomach to feel like it’s knots and those knots won’t go away.  I used to eat them and throw them up, but without that “out” now, I have to deal with them.  I have to face them.  I can’t hide behind the mask anymore.  Working out helps somewhat, taking time to be reclusive doesn’t.

It’s awful.  An example.  I don’t call my parents for a week.  The longer I don’t call, the more difficult it is to call.  I get nervous, afraid to…

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May be she is hiding too in her own world.

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and maybe she is not ignoring YOU she is ignoring the demands you have on her by finding her place elsewhere inside herself or finding another way of purging you because you demand of her more than she can provide. And even if you find out she is with you still yet distancing herself you don’t understand why and don’t even try. And then… you lose her.  But she finds herself.

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What Were We Thinking. So Unfair. Stop the stupid!

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The beginning of an eating disorder is when a friend tells you you are fat.  It is not there yet, because you are too young to understand the devastation of someone, and me it was my best friend, telling you “really, you weigh that much? you are fat”.

But really it was the adults who put us on a scale in front of everyone.  And in my case is was Nuns!

I wish I had a friend to tell me to shed my socks and smile while being the same weight.  Maybe things might have been different.  Saying… is. … stop our children from finding out so young that they can be bullied about their weight.  And this?  was 45 years ago when I went through this.  And we say it’s a new thing?  NO.  It has existed for years.  But maybe Karen Carpenter was the first in 1980 to give us a glimpse of what was to come and still is.  Break the chain……