A Horrible Reality

I am sure most people would find me heartless for saying this.  I will not miss one of my family members when she dies.  This person used to be a sister.  I don’t feel she deserves to be in my family unit.  The things she has done, the destructions, manipulations, disgusting acts of unkindness and betrayal put her in a compartment in my life that is at the curb where the garbage men can take her and I will not miss her.  I will not celebrate her permanent disappearance… wait… maybe… but I will be at complete peace.

I am a valuable person.  I have values as well, and morals, and when someone steps across my line, there is no reason why I should be forced, simply because of the “title” the person holds in my family to be forgiving for the horrific acts that person has inflicted on so many others in life.  My values state within me that as a person who values myself, it is necessary to distance myself from destructive and evil people.

I have done this for the past two years.  And I feel great, but I had not yet completed the “getting over the anger” process, and I couldn’t really pin point why.

I just finished reading “The Golden Ticket” by Brendon Bouchard, and I highly recommend it.  The books is free.  I finished this book on the same weekend that I spent time with my parents, and my youngest sister came to visit a few days into my holiday.  She said she had to talk to me.  It had been quite some time since we have.  We are reconnecting after years of her watching me go to the bottom of the pit.  She had hoped I would have been stronger never to end up there.  But I digress.

Her presence was a beautiful orchestration of what I needed.  Some sort of visit to the fairground that Brendon described in the book, but in a more “real” state.  I heard what she was saying, and I realized what had been making me angry – the last emotion that I needed to deal with to let go of the evil one from my life.  I realized I was disappointed in my family for not standing by me when she infringed on my family.  When she broke it apart through her selfish behaviour, not thinking of how it would affect my children, hers, and my family in general.  I had not one in my family that came and hugged me and said “that is horrible”.  That “sister” remained loved and admired by all even after all she’s done.  I could not understand.  I could not understand what was wrong with me that no one believed what was going on in its entirety, or no one even reached out to find out.  I had no support system.  And in time, I broke like a China doll.

I am together now, but I still have some scars from the brakes, but nothing that I care to hide.  I am proud of where I got to on my own, with underlying reach outs from my parents.  Never spoken however to the issue.  I need closure.  But my true sister having spoken to them this holiday, was a God send.  I needed to hear her tell me she didn’t know what to do, considering two sisters were involved.  Everyone just swept it under the rug, hoping it would go away.  It doesn’t.  The effect on children and even me, is still present.  I needed to close the chapter.  It’s not completely closed, but it’s getting there.

To that evil “sister” who called my mother Jezebel, and told me I should watch not becoming like my mother, the other day, for the first time, I actually Googled Jezebel.  I laughed.  It describes the accuser of my mother being one to a T.  Not my mother – her.

I love irony.