Wow, I can’t believe I’m posting this a day after my Sevenversary. Seven years clear of bulimia. That too is a WOW… a big one. And I don’t even have any desire to go back. I said this before im a blog that they are wrong. And I know they are wrong. You can fully recover from this. And I will not even call it a disease. I call it a hanger. Something I hung onto when I needed it to help me through my stupid.
Okay, you may think that is nasty to say, but seriously, for me to not be able to handle people in my life that were controlling and turning to this, what was my friend at the time, to eat and purge my weaknesses…. pause….. I think I just realized in these words just that!! I guess I never want to go back because I don’t feel that way anymore. And it’s because I left the controlling people and ended up with me. And my animals…. and the things I love to do on my time, when I want to and without judgements or restrictions of time.
Having said that… I still fee some controls are in place. I have to visit my parents. This is a tough one. I willingly send love to my children. I happily respond when they respond to me, but I don’t force them or make them feel guilty if they don’t visit me.
I totally understand that parents are a pain in the ass to have to commit to. So I don’t expect it from my children. I don’t even care if they hate me, but I’d like to know why. One wont tell me. LOL. But I deal with that. Again, it’s not going to control my emotions. I have a life to live. As scared as I am about life, I live it and I won’t ever again let anything or anyone control my guilt or my emotions… except….
Of their four daughters, I have been the most absent. I know why. Even visiting them at 55, I feel awkward. I always felt awkward. I never felt like I belonged. I think I posted that before… but over 400 posts, I don’t fully remember….
But I will see them tomorrow and tell them 7 years….
To my retarded sister who slept with my husband she would find this biblical… sorry… I had to add that… LOL… but to me… it’s good. I made it… at 55 after 30 years of bulimia… I made it…
NEVER GIVE UP!!!