2020 Hindsight to Foresight

 

I really can’t believe it’s going to be 9 years next month that I have recovered from bulimia, and now recovering from being a wino. Yes, I like wine. I don’t like liquor, but I like wine. For years I romanced it, and even made it my best friend that I looked forward to seeing after work and sharing my meal with.

I know this sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. Much like my relationship with food was one of distraction when I had to work too much. I could be at my computer doing something I really didn’t want to do, and snack at the same time, something I liked to do. It made the work and the time go by faster, but it also made me feel gross and full, and in the end, polluted. So I would cleanse.

There are so many myths about bulimia, and I think too about wine. I sometimes think that the emotional attachment and the almost “humanization” of them are rather interesting. Some would say odd, but I would say interesting, having lived both those roles.

I like to take the 2020 hindsight and apply it to the 2020 foresight. I can actually do that now knowing what I know!

Interesting fact. I am one vice away from being the person I want to be. That is to stop smoking. But here is the thing. If you look at my pattern, all the “addictions” I have had have been related to hand to mouth actions. Some call this oral fixation, however that word has been tainted somewhat so I prefer the “hand to mouth”. Even without my wine, I still have my non-alcoholic beverages in a cup near me at all times that I can. As far as food, I eat 5 times a day. Small portions, but it allows me to do the hand to mouth, and I love a little bowl of trail mix because that action lasts longer.

With this realization, I am keen on figuring out the “quit smoking” strategy.

As I progress through life, I am noticing more and more about my actions. I stop to take a sip and a thought goes through my head. It’s like a pause. Just like my cigarette. It’s a pause. A snack is a pause.

I will write further to this thought. I am intrigued as to where it will take me. Foresight. 🙂