Although my book How To Have Your Cake & Not Eat It All Too primarily refers to women, I am very well aware that this “mental illness” is also growing in numbers in men.
I don’t really like to put out the negatives, but I thought this was something I would share to open our eyes. It’s not easy to let it go. It is FREEING to let it go!
“What?”, you say? Yes, I mean it, but I don’t mean in the way you are thinking as a bulimic. I mean that you need to always be purging “stuff” you accumulate to reduce your stress. Some of us tend to hold on to “things”. Believe it or not, this can increase overwhelm and stress, and as Mel Mason, my friend and The Clutter Expert explains, “what you see on the outside, quite often reflects your inside. If your home is cluttered, so is your mind”.
She writes: “Here’s the deal. You accumulate stuff everyday, so it’s important to make decluttering part of your daily life. I have a motto: “Always Be Purging” or ABP for short.
The best way to make it part of your daily life is to start small with 15 minute increments. The first week do 15 minutes one day. The second week, do 15 minutes two days a week and the third do three days etc.
Your goal is to build up to making time for it everyday, so that it becomes a habit and part of your daily life.
By becoming consistent with making time to declutter your life, you’ll get to see the accumulation of space that you’re creating. You’ll get the dopamine hit and that will make you want to do more!
One way to help you stay consistent is by putting the 15 minutes in your calendar as an appointment with yourself and treat it with the same importance you would a dr.’s appointment or an appointment with a client. Actually pencil it in and make the time for it.
The question now is, when are you going to schedule your first 15 minutes with yourself?”
One of the most freeing moments of my life was when I lost my business, and my home. I was living in a 2400 square foot home, the size of which did not include the basement and the huge two car garage. When I lost everything, I was forced to get rid of many material possessions, as I was moving into a 900 square foot apartment. The purge felt good. From there, I moved again and this time the place was 500 square feet. More purging. I finally found a really cute apartment on a lake. This one was 395 square feet. For every move to a smaller space, more “stuff” had to go. The less I had, the lighter I felt.
There are situations when “purging” is a benefit. Not when it comes to eating. However, as Mel has noted, “when it comes to putting order on the outside, you will feel more order on the inside, which helps improve your mindset.”
If you want more information about “decluttering” and a FREE blueprint download please visit Mel’s site at DeclutteringSpaces.com
It’s not uncommon for those with bulimia to be in this situation. They put themselves second to last because quite often they are people pleasers and have difficulties in voicing their emotions, thoughts, frustrations, anger.
It seems at times we feel like we always walking on eggshells trying to make sure we can avoid conflict. Even if the conflict lives within us.
Even when we are putting people first, it still seems that we can’t do that right either. It’s a catch 22. If you stand up for what you want, you get reprimanded. If you don’t, you get reprimanded. You are either too demanding, or too nice.
I had a sister willing to help me out with a course. I am not bulimic anymore, so I really feel the emotions when something doesn’t go well. I really do overthink, and I need to get busy doing other things to make sure I can reframe my thoughts. Redirect them.
So back my sister. She is suffering from depression. She was going to drop off the money last Tuesday. She never showed up. She never called. I texted her because I was concerned. Two days later she sent me a brief text saying “I’m tired and hiding”. To that, I didn’t want to sound insensitive and ask her about the money. I just felt it was more important for her to rest. I could always sign up for the next course that would be available in three months. Ten days past and she finally texted me. Again, she said she was tired. I was not about to bring up the issue, but I did. I told her I cancelled. She then started in on me that I was obviously not committed. That not telling her there was a deadline for the money (which I had only found out anyway on that Tuesday she was suppose to show up) meant that I didn’t know how to do business.
The fact that she wasn’t even responding to my concerned texts meant that it was hardly likely that she would respond to a request. She didn’t even respond when I told her I had a buyer for her $1000 cat, but that they wanted more pictures.
Coming full circle is that of putting yourself second. You can’t win. I told her I felt that concern and care for someone you love is more important than business. I put her first. And I got reprimanded for that. And I am overthinking it, so I thought I would write it here to try to resolve my brain thoughts.
It baffles me. Instead of her thanking me for thinking of her and being concerned she just shot not so nice texts. So now I am sitting her making intro videos for my Podcast, and perhaps thankful that I didn’t take her money. It may have ended up in a disaster. Maybe this time, putting myself second, was a blessing.
What experience have you had putting yourself second?
I spent 30 years arguing with Bulimia. She wouldn’t leave my head. I tried so many times. In the end, 30 years later, I got rid of her for good. However she did leave me with some damage.
Over time I managed to realize that you cannot bring back the time or the money that you wasted on her. There is no way that is possible. The fact is that I had to move forward. I had to keep going and realizing that Health was feeling so much better and Time was more appreciative. Exhaustion was happy to take a side step to Energy.
Emotions took time to learn how to function with Bulimia, and in time, they learned how to. They redirected their desire to snuff them with food with more productive methods.
Skin, however, had taken it’s toll over years of dehydration. Even with moisturizing cream, the damage done was done. Skin managed to look less pale though and happier.
Teeth to this day are not really happy with my inability to fight Bulimia sooner. They lost their enamel and the grinding left them smaller. The acid that eroded the enamel also left my teeth vulnerable, and some perished. A high price to pay, but not as high as it could have been.
It’s not to put fear into those reading this still struggling, but it is a fact that Heart was seriously, and likely, the most happy of all. All those heart pounding moments after the purge. There were times I was sure I was going to have a heart attack. From the strain and the dehydration, this was becoming more of a possibility as I moved into my 40s.
Yet it wasn’t the fear of death that helped me stop. It was the realization that I WAS IN CONTROL of ME. Not Bulimia. And that I really did love myself and I loved others enough to STOP! I got away from the negative people in my life, the ones that made me feel I wasn’t good enough. I looked around one day and thought “LaurieAnn, they’re not there anymore! What are doing? You now have your life to live!”
Was it that easy? No. Yet everytime I felt the need to fill a void, I just reached inside and asked myself if I really wanted to keep hurting myself for the pain I was feeling because I allowed someone else to make me feel anger or frustration or hurt?
I am my best friend. I am the only one that is there with me every day. I am the one that decides what I will do next, where I want to go in life. That’s MY decision. No one else’s. And too, it’s my decision how I let others affect me now. At times, being who I am, this is difficult. I can overthink the most minute situation and make it into a big one. I am learning not to do this. Even 10 years later, I am still struggling at times with this, but with the help of others, and breathing exercises, and occupying myself with things I love to do, that overthinking subsides.
F**ck You Bulimia. You took enough of my time, energy and ME away for long enough. NO MORE!!
I remember when I was married, I asked my husband at that time if he could join me for one of my sessions with my psychiatrist to support me. He refused. I felt alone. We were living away from my family, and I had no one else. I thought, him being my husband, he would be more open to help and be involved in my recovery.
When I got married, my husband knew I was bulimic. I didn’t want to go into the marriage without telling him because my previous boyfriend left me after I told him, and I didn’t want to hide. I suppose my idea of a partner was different than what I had hoped for. I believe that when you marry, you are there to support your spouse, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, ’til death do you part. I was so disenfranchised. I felt alone. This feeling did not help in my recovery. It only made it worse.
As someone wanting to recover from bulimia, if you are not in a relationship where you spouse or partner is not supportive, it’s really helpful to have someone who is! I was wrong to hide it from everyone. Once my husband denied helping me (and my parents never offered to, even when they found out I was bulimic), I just thought maybe this was a journey that I had to take alone.
I was so wrong. Looking back, I really should have reached out to someone. Even if it was a penpal. I did have a penpal at the onset of my bulimia, and after two years, she recovered. I didn’t. It took me 30 years.
I heard something tonight, and I really liked it.
This is so true. It was this growth that made me create my bulimia recovery coaching program based on what I went through, and how I succeeded in recovering and not wanting to go back. It also inspired me to finish my book.
You can’t give up. You CAN reach out. You CAN overcome bulimia. I know it. I’ve done it.
What started as being a #1 Best Selling author with my contribution to 1 Habit for Entrepreneurial Success moved into a discussion on my journey with bulimia and my desire to help women and men, particularly over 40 with their struggles towards recovery.
I was honored that Whitnie noted that this was something that resonated with her.
As a bulimic, we are so “engrossed” in trying to make everything work in our lives. We are perfectionists with a cause. To ensure that we accomplish everything on our list of expectations.
What we don’t really understand, for those of us who stuggled for years, is that if you add up all the time we spent binging and purging, we wasted time that could have been so much more valuable.
Why? Because for us, this was time to ourselves. But the “ourselves” was not at all that.
I look back sometimes and think “I still lived a full life, so why beat myself up over all those hours lost?” Reality is that it WAS time lost. Not gained.
I am grateful that today I can get up and live a full life everyday. NO I LIE. Not every day. There are still times when my productivity is low, when I just want to lie in bed and not get up. But I have more purpose now knowing that I CAN kick my own butt and when I am UP I am not in the fridge, I am not looking for the next binge. I am up creating yet a new beginning… every day. Without having to live a lie.
Don’t let bulimia steal your time… we never know how much of it we have left, and bulimia doesn’t deserve to own what is… YOU do though!!
Reach out… bullimiaddict@gmail.com
I am finally making my dream come true. To coach those with bulimia towards recovery. For more information about the program go to Bulimia Recovery Program.
The program includes a workbook called How To Have Your Cake And Not Eat It All too.
My focus is on people who are over 40 and still struggling with bulimia. If you are an older bulimic and are searching for support, please contact me.
BullimiAddict 