Putting Yourself Second

It’s not uncommon for those with bulimia to be in this situation. They put themselves second to last because quite often they are people pleasers and have difficulties in voicing their emotions, thoughts, frustrations, anger.

It seems at times we feel like we always walking on eggshells trying to make sure we can avoid conflict. Even if the conflict lives within us.

Even when we are putting people first, it still seems that we can’t do that right either. It’s a catch 22. If you stand up for what you want, you get reprimanded. If you don’t, you get reprimanded. You are either too demanding, or too nice.

I had a sister willing to help me out with a course. I am not bulimic anymore, so I really feel the emotions when something doesn’t go well. I really do overthink, and I need to get busy doing other things to make sure I can reframe my thoughts. Redirect them.

So back my sister. She is suffering from depression. She was going to drop off the money last Tuesday. She never showed up. She never called. I texted her because I was concerned. Two days later she sent me a brief text saying “I’m tired and hiding”. To that, I didn’t want to sound insensitive and ask her about the money. I just felt it was more important for her to rest. I could always sign up for the next course that would be available in three months. Ten days past and she finally texted me. Again, she said she was tired. I was not about to bring up the issue, but I did. I told her I cancelled. She then started in on me that I was obviously not committed. That not telling her there was a deadline for the money (which I had only found out anyway on that Tuesday she was suppose to show up) meant that I didn’t know how to do business.

The fact that she wasn’t even responding to my concerned texts meant that it was hardly likely that she would respond to a request. She didn’t even respond when I told her I had a buyer for her $1000 cat, but that they wanted more pictures.

Coming full circle is that of putting yourself second. You can’t win. I told her I felt that concern and care for someone you love is more important than business. I put her first. And I got reprimanded for that. And I am overthinking it, so I thought I would write it here to try to resolve my brain thoughts.

It baffles me. Instead of her thanking me for thinking of her and being concerned she just shot not so nice texts. So now I am sitting her making intro videos for my Podcast, and perhaps thankful that I didn’t take her money. It may have ended up in a disaster. Maybe this time, putting myself second, was a blessing.

What experience have you had putting yourself second?

F***ck You Bulimia

I spent 30 years arguing with Bulimia. She wouldn’t leave my head. I tried so many times. In the end, 30 years later, I got rid of her for good. However she did leave me with some damage.

Over time I managed to realize that you cannot bring back the time or the money that you wasted on her. There is no way that is possible. The fact is that I had to move forward. I had to keep going and realizing that Health was feeling so much better and Time was more appreciative. Exhaustion was happy to take a side step to Energy.

Emotions took time to learn how to function with Bulimia, and in time, they learned how to. They redirected their desire to snuff them with food with more productive methods.

Skin, however, had taken it’s toll over years of dehydration. Even with moisturizing cream, the damage done was done. Skin managed to look less pale though and happier.

Teeth to this day are not really happy with my inability to fight Bulimia sooner. They lost their enamel and the grinding left them smaller. The acid that eroded the enamel also left my teeth vulnerable, and some perished. A high price to pay, but not as high as it could have been.

It’s not to put fear into those reading this still struggling, but it is a fact that Heart was seriously, and likely, the most happy of all. All those heart pounding moments after the purge. There were times I was sure I was going to have a heart attack. From the strain and the dehydration, this was becoming more of a possibility as I moved into my 40s.

Yet it wasn’t the fear of death that helped me stop. It was the realization that I WAS IN CONTROL of ME. Not Bulimia. And that I really did love myself and I loved others enough to STOP! I got away from the negative people in my life, the ones that made me feel I wasn’t good enough. I looked around one day and thought “LaurieAnn, they’re not there anymore! What are doing? You now have your life to live!”

Was it that easy? No. Yet everytime I felt the need to fill a void, I just reached inside and asked myself if I really wanted to keep hurting myself for the pain I was feeling because I allowed someone else to make me feel anger or frustration or hurt?

I am my best friend. I am the only one that is there with me every day. I am the one that decides what I will do next, where I want to go in life. That’s MY decision. No one else’s. And too, it’s my decision how I let others affect me now. At times, being who I am, this is difficult. I can overthink the most minute situation and make it into a big one. I am learning not to do this. Even 10 years later, I am still struggling at times with this, but with the help of others, and breathing exercises, and occupying myself with things I love to do, that overthinking subsides.

F**ck You Bulimia. You took enough of my time, energy and ME away for long enough. NO MORE!!

Great Interview by Whitnie Wiley – Sharing about Bulimia at Midlife

What started as being a #1 Best Selling author with my contribution to 1 Habit for Entrepreneurial Success moved into a discussion on my journey with bulimia and my desire to help women and men, particularly over 40 with their struggles towards recovery.

I was honored that Whitnie noted that this was something that resonated with her.

Midlife Bulimia

Eating disorders are not just present in pre-teens and adolescence. Although it has been an issue for many years, the media began to publicize it more in the early 80’s, showing the rise in the number of women and men who acquired the disorder.

Although we would like to think that over time, with all the information and support groups available, that this disorder would have subsided, but in truth it continues to grow.

Keeping in mind that the “frenzy” of articles came out in the 80’s, this would reflect the number of women and men over 40 who are still battling with bulimia. This age group is often passed over and what is also ignored is the fact that at this age, unlike the younger age, they have honed their skills at hiding and creating a false front.

Many will not come out or seek help due to the embarrassment and shame of being over 40 and still struggling.

There is a great concern with this lack of reaching out, as bulimia affects the heart, and as one crosses over 40, there is a greater risk of having a heart attack. There are several other health and emotional issues that become an increased threat as the bulimic gets older.

It is for this reason that my coaching focusses on women and men (yes, the incidences in men is also increasing) over 40, although I do assist all ages. But to me, this is an issue that is often ignored and not given enough attention to.

Reach out to someone. If you are over 40, reach out. It’s never too late to find full recovery, but often it will come sooner and easier with help.

For more information contact confidential email at bulimiacoach@gmail.com